The Ethical Slut

I couldn’t possibly think of a more fitting way to launch the new reviews section of Playful Bent, than to write a review of “The Ethical Slut”.

As with many people I know, this book caused me many revelations and upheavals with regard to my sexual identity. I bought it as a chance gift for my wife, and upon reading it immediately had a feeling of intense relief. The relief was because I suddenly realised that there were words for all the things that I’d been feeling all my life, and that there were other people who felt the same way.

So, this book was my introduction to the world of ethical non-monogamy (and polyamory in particular). No doubt my opinion of the book itself is rather clouded by my feelings on the subject matter, but don’t believe that I’m giving it a five star rating just because I like polyamory.

“The Ethical Slut” is well written and informative, but still warm and relaxed and very human. The authors, Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt, are not shy about sharing their pain as well as their happiness. This book is certainly not a one sided publicity brochure for non-monogamy. In fact, I find that it spent more time dealing with pain and heartbreak and coping strategies for jealousy than I thought I really needed. I wouldn’t change it though, as I think this perspective is very valuable.

The chapters of the book provide a good explanation of the topic, and many real strategies are suggested for dealing with all the various problems that an ethical slut might face. Generously interspersed are real world anecdotes which demonstrate the diversity of possible relationship structures.

Many of the strategies in the book involve communication, and for this reason I regularly recommend this book to monogamous people as well as polyamorous ones. A lot of us never challenge the methods of communication that we grew up with, and instead assume that it’s perfectly natural to act like the very worst type of soap opera tv character, particularly when jealous. “The Ethical Slut” challenges all of these assumptions, and I’d rate it as a must read for anyone getting involved with polyamory, swinging, or any other form of non-monogamy.